Losing face

I just had a two hour private lesson with a young engineer who wants to improve his English. He's very friendly and very intelligent, we sit in a charming coffee bar eating sandwiches and going over GRE vocabulary and recent newstories. Part of me feels bad of course - I'm a native English speaker and people pay me a great deal of money just to talk with me. But, I charge the standard going rate, 600nt, less than what many charge for private lessons. And as teachers go, I'm probably pretty good. Although, I kept having to explain that GRE and TOEFL words are usually never used in conversation and that Americans also have to study hard to remember them all. (Defalcate, eviscerate, execrate - think you know what they mean? I was surprised when we looked them up in his electronic dictionary.) Also, people are looking for the fastest, best way to learn English well, and 1-on-1 conversation with a native is probably pretty good (although it depends a lot on the material.)

Several times tonight my student hinted time was up - but I was pretty sure it wasn't and besides, I don't care about the time because I was happy talking with him, trying to think up some American idioms. Finally however, we checked the clock, and it was already 30 minutes past the end of our session. I was surprised when he insisted on paying me for those 30 minutes - half of the hourly rate, 300nt. No, no! Of course not, it was my choice, my mistake not watching the time, it doesn't matter, I don't need it. But he'd already made change and was handing me the money. This is one of those complicated "Face" issues you hear about often in Chinese culture. Of course, I felt that I took the money too quickly - I did protest, but he insisted, and I gave in. Should I protest more? Absolutely refuse? Stalk out the door? Slap him in the face? At one point does one of us "win"? It was very nice of him to offer, but of course the money was unnecessary; this was a battle I should have won easily, but I generally avoid conflict and don't like making scenes, so... But now I feel bad. And I can't help but wonder if he feels bad for losing 300NT.

When my parents were visiting Taiwan, we went out to dinner with my former employees, a cute Taiwanese couple. After the meal, my parents insisted on paying, as did they. Finally, my parents paid - then in the parking lot, the Taiwanese called me over and gave me money for their half at least - I took it to my parents and they refused it, they had me chase the Taiwanese back to their car; the Taiwanese ran from me and slammed their doors. I took the money back to my parents again and they complained. My dad said "you made me lose face!" But somebody will always lose face. Wouldn't it be more generous to accept the loss and let the others win? Except that, then they, after winning, would probably resent the fact that they had to pay. What a silly world.