TESOL/Linguistics: The Blind Leading the Blind

Have I mentioned recently that linguistics is the final degeneration of human progress? The lowest form of education possible? It's upsetting that it is so wildly popular: everyone wants to learn English. So they get a bunch of white people and train them in linguistics and TESOL, because there is an assumption (which I disagree with) that learning a lot of little symbols about all the various forms of mistakes non-native speakers can make and studying students not-yet-perfect accent will somehow get them to learn how to speak English well. It's absolutely ridiculous.
1) It's teacher-centered rather than student centered
2) It focuses on the mistakes and gives them power as autonomous modes of communication
3) It produces English teachers who know everything about the linguistic production of English but nothing of any value

Universities like to hire MA's or PHD's in linguistics to teach English to their students. This is a severely flawed notion. While linguistics or TESOL might be helpful to native-speaking ESL teachers, it is emphatically not helpful, nor useful, to any non-native student's wanting to learn how to speak English. Rather than read great English literature, study English grammar, or improve their fluency, they learn linguistics and do linguistic studies of their own "Meta-Language" (read: bad pronunciation).

There are thousands of these students, all over the world, studying Linguistics and TESOL simply because, the MA's and PhD's studied Linguistics and TESOL. They don't know anything else. So what you get is whole countries of academics studying the linguistic composition of a foreign language, their non-native English. And yet often their speaking and writing is terrible. And they will go on to teach "English" to others - by teaching linguistics and TESOL.

It almost makes me furious. It's so futile and self-defeating and inane and bureaucratic, absolutely senseless in every way. Brilliant minds solving problems that DO NOT NEED to be solved.

People have been learning languages since we began speaking them. People CAN learn 2 or 3 languages, and learn them well. They did it long before there was ever such a thing as TESOL or Linguistics. Without a doubt, my students studying Literature will learn to use English, not to dissect it and ruin it. And yet, I see myself having trouble finding work because the emphasis is so much on linguistics rather than literature.

Spanish test and Taiwan's friendly people

What a day. I have a cold and am always irritable when my nose is stuffed up. My girlfriend woke me up early for a ride to the train station and I missed out on several hours of sleep I had been counting on; today was a very important Spanish exam day.

Tangent: I've been trying to convince my university to let me test out of my language requirements. They finally were persuaded, and I spent the last two days trying to re-learn the Spanish that I picked up in Argentina over 10 years ago. All things considered, I think I did pretty well, but a lot can go wrong with language tests. What if I got all the words right but the accents wrong? What if I got the verbs right but used past preterite instead of past imperfect tense? We'll see how they choose to grade it.

Anyway...I'm sick and its cold and its a sunny day - back to my morning story about Taiwan's friendly people. On a OCD infatuation I felt I needed a bigger TV, and last night I found a used one (huge) for $150. Did I need it? No. But it seemed like such a good deal! So, today I was trying to figure out how to buy speakers for it. This is something people do. They buy speakers for TV's. I have a set of old speakers, but I was willing to buy new ones.

I went to RT mart, the nearest supermarket, and asked in my passable Chinese. "I have this (TV) and I have that (Speaker) I want use together, how can I use together? What do I have to buy? The first guy in the electronics department answered my question and I said OK, but then he said "Wait" and he went to ask a co-worker. (The problem is that TV speakers don't plug into TV's, they plug into sound-boxes that plug into TV's. Or - they have a little green audio plug like computers, but I didn't think my TV has that. So the answer I got was "impossible. Can't do it." That's a silly answer. Of course I can find a way to connect speakers to a TV. And he read the incredulous look on my face as incomprehension - so he went to find someone who spoke ENGLISH.)

First, he brought a loud, sociable co-worker whose English was much worse than my Chinese and I ignored her. Then he brought a woman who was married to a man who lived in California and spoke some English. (I think they used the broadcast system to say "will anyone who speaks English please come to the electronics department?")

I explained to her, in Chinese, (but slower this time) what I wanted, and she passed that along in Chinese, to the crowd of employees gathering. They gave her answers (the same ones that I heard before) in Chinese (which I understood) and then she translated into English (how helpful.)

Then her husband came along who spoke English very well. At this point it would be rude to refuse his help so I spoke to him in English. We chatted for awhile about the USA, I asked my questions again but more specifically, and got the same answers (but was directed to another store at least) and thanked everybody for the help and left.

YES - Taiwanese people are extremely HELPFUL. They want to FIND HELP FOR YOU. But they often lack the confidence, self-esteem and competence to listen to you and help you themselves. To be fair, my Chinese isn't great. Even at the other store, the employees kept saying "Maybe this...but I'm don't understand what you want." However....the problem was simple and pretty clear. I had two physical objects to point to and gesture with, as well as lots of cords to dangle emphatically. Anyway....

Studying abroad in Taiwan.

I've started using "squidoo", yet another blog page. Don't know much about it except it's supposed to be a way to share practical information...my first post is about studying abroad in Taiwan with the Taiwan scholarship

http://www.squidoo.com/studyintaiwan/

Since this blog is about Taiwan, I'll post the whole thing here, too.

If you want to get an undergraduate or postgraduate degree in an exciting, beautiful country - without paying for it, this article is for you!

Discover why thousands of students from all over the world are flocking to Taiwan, and how you can get involved before the opportunity is gone.

The Taiwan Scholarship

Get your undergraduate or graduate degree in Taiwan for less

During my first several years teaching English in Taiwan I heard rumors about an amazing scholarship program run by Taiwan's Ministry of Education. Free tuition, a generous stipend, and a post-graduate degree in only two to four years. Specific details were hard to come by, but nearly everybody had met someone who, when asked what they did in Taiwan, kind of giggled and said "Oh, nothing. I'm not working right now." However, finding relevant information about studying in Taiwan under the Taiwan Scholarship can be elusive and overwhelming. This article is a user's guide to getting accepted into the graduate school of your choice, and federally funded during your stay.

The Taiwan Scholarship is a program designed to increase the number of foreign students in Taiwanese Universities, so that Taiwanese students will have a multi-national, bilingual university education. In my opinion, it's a smart move by Taiwan's Ministry of Education, who recognize that the increasing number of graduates may soon overwhelm Taiwan's workforce. This is great news for foreigners who like Taiwan but are tired of teaching English and would like to further their education. That's not to suggest that the programs in Taiwan aren't challenging. Nor can you assume that getting accepted is a piece of cake - a mistake I made applying to NCKU the first time in 2006. But with the right information and a little hard work, the Taiwan Scholarship can be a dream come true.

How do I apply?
The application process is two-fold:

You can apply for the Taiwan scholarship from February to March each year. You must mail the application and the required documents to a Taiwan Embassy in your home country. Part of the application is a "study plan", so you should already have an idea of what you want to study. For a post-graduate degree, this implies doing academic research on a problem in your field that you'd like to solve. Make sure you familiarize yourself with the studies being done internationally, as well as the research being pursued at the Taiwanese university you'd like to attend. You will also be asked for a list of the universities that you are applying to.

The application processes and deadlines for Taiwanese universities vary. Go into their website and download all the necessary materials. You will probably need a prior degree, transcripts, letters of reference, pictures, a statement of purpose and a study plan. Universities only accept a limited number of foreign students each year, so make sure you have a strong application. Let them know you are genuinely interested in the field by doing some research and getting yourself up-to-date. Don't go in as a clean plate asking for a free ride.

If they like your application material, you may be called in for an interview around May or June. This can be grueling. You'll most likely sit down in front of half a dozen Professors and asked challenging questions like "Why don't you get a degree from your own country?" They are just trying to rattle you and test your ability to think and speak clearly under pressure.

Once you get accepted, you can notify the Taiwan Embassy that you sent your Taiwan Scholarship Application to, and then they will decide whether or not you will receive the scholarship.

How much do I get?
If you get the Taiwan Scholarship, you will get 25,000NT a month for an undergraduate degree, or 30,000NT for MA and PH.D students. (30,000nt is about $1,000 USD) The money will be deposited into a Post Office bank account. However, you may still have to pay tuition, which ranges from 60,000NT - 100,000NT a year.

Even if you don't get the Taiwan scholarship, most universities offer their own financial assistance, which generally includes free tuition and roughly 10,000NT a month to help with living expenses.

This money relieves you of the necessity to work for a living, but you'll have to budget your time and be self-motivated enough to do the work, which can be challenging. Some foreigners manage to teach English as well and can save up some extra money.

What programs are offered?
You can apply for any program at the University. Keep in mind, as you infiltrate classrooms that have never been visited by a foreigner, you might at first be a distraction. Some professors are not thrilled, after teaching the same material for 30 years, to have a spotlight cast on their rusty English abilities. The programs that specifically target foreign students, such as Linguistics or the MBA, and larger universities with many international applicants, will be better equipped to handle foreign students. This isn't to say that being the only foreigner at a smaller University wouldn't be a great experience - only that you'll have to go with the flow and not lose your cool when the inane bureaucracy of Taiwanese Universities seems crippling.

My Chinese isn't so good, can I study in English?
Taiwan's National Universities are striving towards a full English curriculum, but in reality the level of English will depend upon the professor, the students and the course. In most classes, the reading and material may be in English, but the explanations and lectures could be in Chinese. (However, if you're sitting in the front row looking confused, they may make a concerted effort to speak English, which is precisely what you're there for.)

If you are studying the "Full English MBA" offered by many Universities, or Linguistics or English Literature in a Foreign Language department, chances are good that you'll be pretty comfortable. If you want to study Art or Engineering or Gastroenterology, you may need to take Chinese classes on the side to keep up.

Will a post-graduate degree from Taiwan be recognized abroad?
If you want to use a graduate degree from Taiwan to get a job teaching in a Western country like Canada or America, you may have some trouble. America in particular has been loathe to accept degrees from abroad. However, times are changing. The world is becoming smaller and some Western countries are starting to become aware of the outside world, including countries like Taiwan, whose students consistently score higher on aptitude tests than their Western counterparts. The degree itself is fading in importance to factors like personality, international experience and teaching methods, and a degree from Taiwan may be just the sparkle that sets your application apart and lands you the job.

On the other hand, if you want to use your degree to keep teach overseas, it's a mixed bag. The very finest Universities often want the best, and at present that stereotype is consistently Western. A post-graduate degree from America or Canada may open doors that a degree from Taiwan will not. However, Before decide where to study your undergraduate or postgraduate degree, evaluate the pro's and con's carefully. Do you need to be the number one professor at the World's Best University, solving the complex questions of the Universe, or would you be just as happy working at a mid-range University? Also think about what you want to use your degree for - an MBA from Taiwan for example (learning Chinese on the side) could significantly boost your career opportunities.

Regardless of where you choose to study in Taiwan, you can expect the warm hospitality of the Taiwanese to make your life easier. Teachers are patient and understanding, and your classmates will be exceedingly helpful.

Taiwan Ministry of Education's Website is http://www.edu.tw/. Click on "English", and then "Scholarships".

A lot of Taiwanese universities also advertise on http://www.tealit.com

Building up steam

Well it's settled: I only have 2 classes this semester. I'm allright on credits because I worked hard last year but still feel super lazy. I go to school Monday and Tuesday afternoon - and that's it. What a great life. The good thing is I have a ton of reading to do, and also need to finish my old websites and build a couple of new ones.

I'm starting an online copyediting company. www.perfect-english-editing.com It's almost ready, just need to translate it, print some posters and business cards, and voila! With only a few Taiwanese universities using my services, I should have enough work....forever. Work that I can do anywhere with a wireless connection.

The other element of this master plan is that I'm smuggling myself into a courier position - if they need something sent they'll call me up and say "you need to fly to Mexico/Israel/Germany tomorrow" And I get to keep the mileage! It'd be a dream job for me, I like flying anyway. I could a few days in all the countries I visit and save enough miles to travel for free.

Cambodia

Angkor Wat has for years been one of the few places in the world I dreamed of visiting. I bought a ticket from Kuala Lumpur to Siem Reap for about $150. From the airport (I had to buy a visa on entry for $20) I paid $1 for a motorcycle ride into the city - good thing I packed very lightly. My motorcycle driver pretended to search for the hostel I'd booked a reservation at, but "couldn't find it" and brought me somewhere else where he had connections and would probably get a finder's fee. They even told me my hostel had closed down, a blatant lie I found out, but that's not a big deal. The hostel I found was $5 a night, but after walking around I found a MUCH better please for only $8, with cable TV, two twin beds and hot water.

Although I wanted to get rid of my driver, he stuck around until he'd convinced me to hire him for three days, paying $50 altogether. (That's way too much for a motorcycle guide. It only costs $12 a day for a tuk-tuk, which are more comfortable to ride in anyway.) He took me to get my 3-day instant picture ID pass, and took me to my first ruin at sunset. For those who don't know, the temples of Cambodia are remnants of the Khmer civilization, which was at its peak about 1,000 years ago. The temples were abandoned and lost until discovered by French explorers.

The next three days was a blur of temples. Luckily I met a nice Korean girl, also traveling alone, so I had some company and someone to help me take pictures. At every temple are hordes of locals trying to sell souvenirs. It is generally the children who are put up to this task, something which many foreigners can't stand. Although they could get annoying, I was amazed at the Cambodian kids. They were so intelligent! They could speak several languages, and had an armada of tricks to get you to buy their bracelets/guidebooks/bronze statues or whatever.

"Hey Mister, you buy this Ok?"
No thanks.
"You go in, come back then you buy Ok?
No.
"If you buy, you buy only from me Ok?"
Ok.

They would ask your name and remember you until you came back their way again, and they would remember what you promised you might buy. They would also ask where you came from, and tell you the Capitol of your State or Country.

"If I know the capitol of Madagascar, then you buy, OK? Do you know the capitol of Madagascar? If you don't know, then you buy OK?"

The girls were generally better at this, pouting or laughing or manipulating at whim, instantly judging up tourists and knowing how to appeal to them. The boys would just get angry and repeat plaintively, "You buy? You buy? You buy?" No tact.

If you ask why they aren't in school, suddenly they say, "I don't speak English!" Someone has been training them good, because they all knew the correct formula for any response.

"But I don't want a bamboo-flute!"
"Oh, buy for your friends!"

Cambodia has had the misfortune of quickly becoming a tourist destination almost before they had a real country or government. Most of the roads aren't paved, nearly everyone outside of the tourist industry are farmers, providing for themselves. And then there are still the thousands of landmines spread throughout the country, creating perpetual hazard.

Siem Reap was a tourist town, filled with markets, internet cafes, photo shops and hotels. They also had AMAZING restaurants and I want to go back just to eat more.

I was there just 5 days, then I took a 12 hour bus to Bangkok so I could fly back to Taiwan.

Malaysia

I went to Kuala Lumpur this summer to watch my friend Nick jump off of the KL Tower. The "2007 KL Tower International Jump" was a huge event, overwhelmingly publicized as part of Malaysia's 50th anniversary celebration, highlighting a theme of "Unity and Harmony" to promote Malaysia's cultural diversity.

Malays, Indians, Chinese and Arabs live side-by-side in Malaysia, using any number of languages to communicate with, bargaining and arguing but otherwise living peacefully. (I have my doubts that the peace wouldn't end with the strong economy, but that's the same everywhere.) Nick's sky-diving buddies were great and, although I settled into a cheap hostel the first day, I ended up staying on the couch at their hotel, which was right across the street from the KL Tower.

The KL Tower is the 4th largest communications tower in the world. It is also the only Tower to open itself to the sport of base jumping once a year; 100 jumpers from all over the world came to KL to spend a week jumping, shopping and drinking - fitting nicely with their tourism campaign of "Visit Malaysia" 2007. The only thing I didn't like about Malaysia was the hype. They have the most heinous tourism propaganda I've ever seen. "Malaysia - TRULY Asia" is their main slogan on TV advertisements. Of course China doesn't need that kind of propaganda. Everybody knows where the great wall is. Unfortunately, Malaysia is one of the least Asian countries I've ever seen. I ate a lot of great Indian food. I was harassed at the markets by the pushy Arabic sellers. (Not their fault - that's their selling style. Same in Egypt or anywhere else, except they're selling Hong Kong junk.)

The day before the jump we took a one hour taxi ride to an enormous tourist hub up on top of a mountain - an indoor mall with an amusement park and tons of other things, including a wind tunnel. Only $6 a minute or something like that which I'm told is a deal. I did allright, for having very little experience. I could keep myself stable...just couldn't really control where to go. The 2nd time around, I was getting tired and desperate - I couldn't get out by myself and there was no way to call for help! The experienced instructor grabbed me, spun me up and down and all around, and then tossed me through the door. Good man.

The first day of the Jump I picked up a Media pass that I held on tightly to for the remainder of the event, which allowed me full access to the building, to go up to the rooftop and strap on a harness and sit on the edge of the 980 foot platform the jumpers used to catapult themselves into space. At night we'd go for full bodied massages or bars. We went to a nice hotel buffet one night, with an open bar, and caused a ruckus - standing on tables and throwing sugar packets. (Not me of course).

It was nice to see Nick a part of something so big - jumpers were treated like VIP guests, star athletes, and cultural ambassadors. As they should be: BASE jumping is amazing...and dangerous. They have good gear, and they play safe, and they don't have a death wish, but when you've got only a few seconds before you hit the ground, anything unexpected can actually kill you. There were a few accidents, but nothing serious. More alarming to me was that people were jumping who only last week had broken an arm, a leg or a back. Hardcore.

But who am I to judge. They had a great time, I would try it too if I could get more skydives first.

Beach Bitch

I'm in Korea for the summer working at a university camp. I have to wash my meat and vegetables off in a cup of water to get the thick layer of hot sauce off of them before I can manage to eat them. Ah, Korean food. No msg though, which is terrific.

Today I was teaching my university students about preferences. "Ask your partner an 'either/or' preference question." One of the students was trying to say what I thought was "Do you prefer bitch girl or warm heart girl"...but he was pronouncing it like "Beach" so I wrote "Bitch" on the board, had the class practice the contrast in pronunciation between Beach and Bitch, and finally explained that he probably wanted to say "Easy Girl" rather than "Bitch", because in America, unlike some other countries, Bitch just means evil, mean, or rude; not necessarily a whore. After all that, it turns out he was trying to say "Do you prefer a RICH girl or a warm hearted girl", (ie love or money). Oops. My bad.

My favorite student writes crazy journals. She writes things like "I slandered someone today," or "I'm a good-for-nothing." Her comment for the yearbook was "I hate you but I'll try to like you." Awesome. They write KKK at the end of entries to show humor the way we would draw a happy face. KKK is the sound they make when they giggle.

It's been raining for several days and things are being to seem illusory, like the paint of the world is running down the canvas of life, blurring the sharply defined boundaries of reality. Time is slipping by. Our schedule is botched beyond my comprehension due to an indefinately postponed allday field trip, but I can manage teaching hour by hour, activity by activity. I can rest a little on the weekend. I found an amazing sushi restaurant in nearby Jinju, as well as a cute oriental pub with Strawberry flavored rice wine by the jar. Then its one more week, a flight to Taipei, a night in Tainan, and a vacation in Malaysia.