Aren't I a handsome devil?

In Middle School I had acne. I took an "high-risk" drug called Acutane for about 6 months, which completely and permanently cleared up my skin. It's considered high risk because, although it worked out fine in my case, "patients taking Accutane may develop potentially serious problems affecting a number of organs, including the liver, intestines, eyes, ears, and skeletal system. Some patients taking Accutane have developed serious psychiatric problems, including depression."

The reason I bring this up is to illuminate the very conflicted self-image I've developed - I've always had pretty high self-esteem, but that confidence has developed more out of ability than good looks. And in the West, besides your mother, there are few people who reaffirm your aesthetic quality.

Maybe I've been lucky to have spent many years outside of the USA - when you leave your homeland behind, you also lose much of the systematic criteria people use to judge you with. Good lucks become more or less a feature of your personality, rather than a comparative rating system. (Although, www.hotornot.com consistently rates me at above 80%. Except, surprisingly, for the above picture, which I really like.) However, when surrounded by the flawless olive skin, the large almond shaped eyes, abundant personality and maddening 'coolness' of Italians or Argentines, its possible to feel a little insecure.

In Taiwan, I am Brad Pitt. When I walk down the street, boys and girls alike will turn, stare, then elbow their friends in the ribs and point me out. Kids will grab their parents and shout, "WaiGuoRen!!" (Outside-country-person), and parents will, with only slightly more subtlety, likewise point me out to their children. There are at least 500 foreigners in this town, and they've been here for years, but for some reason its always a surprise to find one. Maybe its lucky, like picking out a four-leaf clover. There's no doubt, we stand out. A white face is probably something like 1 in 5,000 here. And since "handsome" is almost synonymous with "white" - especially when it comes in the blue eyed variety, I'm treated like a movie star. If I go somewhere I haven't been before, even a tea-stall, the employees act really nervous and yell in the back for someone who can speak English. If they find out I can speak Chinese, then they ask me lots of questions. Before I leave, they'll make sure to tell me, whether they're a boy or a girl, that I'm "Hen Shuai" (Very Handsome)

Anywhere I go consistently, I'm remembered. They make less of a fuss about me being there, but they also remember exactly what I like to drink based on previous orders. If I'm at the nightmarket alone, somebody will try and sneak a picture of me with their cellphone. If I'm walking past someone who knows English, they will pause their conversation and switch into whichever random English phrase comes into their head. (Once the most adorable four year old girl called me "LoaShi" (teacher), and yelled "Tomato, Papaya, Dog, Puppy!" Equating those words with the proper sort of communication for a white guy like me.

It's true that while it may be cool to know (or even date) a foreigner, most girls aren't confident enough in their English or good looks to approach one. Besides, romance in Asia is much more focused on that dreamy life of comfort between soul-mates, which includes reading together in a bookstores or laughing together in the rain. Generally girls want someone they feel can understand them. Those girls who do date foreigners, are often attracted to their "foreign-ness" quality more than anything else, and end up dating several foreigners. ("Landing" a foreigner is much more difficult than marrying a Taiwanese. Local men are brought up to be good, stable providers, who then look for wives. Foreign men are looking for a no-strings, part-time girlfriend to have fun with until they go home.)

I wonder if foreigner's reputation for licentiousness is tied to how they are perceived and treated. Someone who's never had any luck with women at home comes here and gets flirted with, by beautiful women, almost constantly. It's enough to drive a man crazy.